Creating The Life You Want
What’s your 2019 mantra? The themes that you want to hold close to your chest this year? I’ve been thinking about mine and have come up with a couple. One is the idea of expansion, and the other is a quote by Joseph Campbell: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” These mantras form the foundation of what I share in my private practice and as a Daring Greatly™ Facilitator. I’m grateful to support people on the journey of exploring their caves so that they can expand, own their story, and emerge with a bolder, braver version of themselves.
As you envision the life that you want to create, I want to highlight the value of setting goals from a heart-centered place. Goals to me are about moving towards where you want to go, not a way to change yourself into something that isn’t true for you, or to be used to beat yourself up for what you didn’t do.
I learned this a few years ago, after ending a marriage and looking down at my changed body when I set a goal of having a six-pack (yes, I too used food for numbing rather than comfort … remember we are all in this together). The trouble was, it didn’t matter how often I worked out or how healthy I ate. I saw my six-pack goal at the gym, just on someone else’s body. Then I made a simpler, more achievable resolution: Simply move more. Organically, over time, I felt excited about meeting that goal. I set the bar so low that it was practically impossible for me to fail. The result is that now I exercise five days a week, mostly swimming, yoga, and weight training and I don’t even think of most of it as exercise. It has become restoration and play!
Setting the right kinds of goals for ourselves isn’t easy. It’s a skill just like writing, practicing courage, or managing money. Sometimes we have trouble meeting our goals because we’re not tuned into the ‘why’ behind them. Or they’re too vague: “I want to write!” rather than specific, “I will write one paragraph every day, for my novel.” Creating space with measurable, structure-based time to devote to what you’re aiming for is also essential!
One of the ways that I encourage clients with their goals is through these 2 equations: More love, less harm. More connection. Less disconnection. For someone struggling with compulsive eating, that might translate to: start with drinking more water and choosing to intentionally eat more vegetables. Instead of: “cut out all sugar and white bread.” This allows us to envision moving towards a positive place, rather than constantly being reminded of shame or guilt for not achieving a goal.
Let’s come together in making 2019 a year of moving away from those old limiting beliefs and patterns and expanding into more love. One step at a time.
Onwards and upwards lovelies,